1) When you request sex, she replies, "Wait 'til Pervez Musharraf kicks in a new U Turn."
2) Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your arse.
3) Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"
4) Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
5) Only moans during commercial breaks.
6) Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
7) Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
8) You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead.
9) Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file.
10) Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her shalwar on too.
11) Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
12) Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
13) Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook more easily.
14) Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.."
