The Obama-Mobile

THIS PRESIDENT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYBODY
IN THE PAST.
The Obamamobile: New presidential limo is unveiled - and it can withstand rocket and chemical attacks
It's official call sign is Cadillac One, but it will always be known as the Obamobile.

But his Secret Service agents have already been familiarising themselves with the machine they call 'The Beast', built by General Motors in Detroit and based on a Cadillac chassis.

The company refuses to give precise details of how it will perform its primary purpose - protecting the president.
But bulletproof glass and armourplatingare standard throughout and the car is hermetically-sealed to withstand chemical weapons.

As with previous presidential limos it is packed with electronic communication systems to allow Mr Obama to keep in contact with the outside world.

One personal touch will be the remote-controlled ten-CD changer on which he can play his favourite artists, said to include Stevie Wonder and Bob Dylan.

Despite the protection afforded by Cadillac One, the Secret Service will be taking no chances when Mr Obama is sworn in as the 44th president.

A three-mile security perimeter will be thrown around the U.S. Capital, with no vehicles allowed inside, to prevent a car bomb attack.

Java interview

Ques: What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
Ans: Terms are different ... Nothing more

Ques: What is JFC?
Ans: Jilebi, Fanta Coffee

Ques: Explain 2-tier and 3-tier Architecture ?
Ans: Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Ques: I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
Ans: Send it through courier.

Ques: Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
Ans: As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Ques: How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
Ans: Non living things can't communicate.

Ques: What is meant by flickering ?
Ans: Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Ques: Explain RMI Architecture?
Ans: I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Ques: What is the use of Servlets ?
Ans: In hotels, they can replace servers.

Ques: What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
Ans: Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Ques: When is update method called ?
Ans: Who is update method?

Ques: What is JAR file ?
Ans: File that can be kept inside a jar.

Ques: What is JINI ?
Ans: A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Ques: How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
Ans: I will give invitation.

Ques: How you can know about drivers and database information ?
Ans: I will go and enquire in the bus depot.

Ques: What is serialization ?
Ans: Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Ques: What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
Ans: A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Ques: Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
Ans: When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Ques: What is the exact difference between Unicast and Multicast object ?
Ans: If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast.

Compulsive Gambler

There was this 5-year-old boy named Johnny, and he was very wise in the ways of the world. His problem was that he was a compulsive gambler and couldn't resist making all these outrageous wagers.

"Hey Dad! Behind that pine tree you'll see two squirrels doing it!"

The father was understandably shocked. "Son, how could you say such things? There are no squirrels doing anything."

"Hey Dad, I just speak the facts. If I win, you pay me 5 dollars, if I lose, I pay you 10 dollars. That is a very reasonable offer."

The father agrees to the wager. They walk over to the pine tree, and sure enough two squirrels are coupling. So the father forks over the five dollars as he promised.

It so happened that September was just around the corner, and Little Johnny had to start kindergarten. Needless to say, the father did not want Johnny making his wagers with other innocent children. So he calls the kindergarten teacher to warn her of his son.

"Err... Ms. Smith, I want to tell you that my son Johnny is prone to make explicit sexual remarks and even wager money on such. Could you please disabuse him of such a filthy habit by any means necessary?"

The teacher says she will try.

So the first day of class starts. Not even five minutes pass on the first day when Little Johnny pipes up. "Hey Ms. Smith! I

will bet 50 dollars that you have brown pubic hair!"

Obviously the teacher was flabberghasted by Little Johnny's remarks. She grabs his ear and hauls him to a side room. "I oughta spank you and wash out your mouth with a bar of Lava soap, you filthy little boy!"

Little Johnny took this all in stride. "Hey Ms. Smith, I just speak the facts. If I win, you don't owe me anything. If you win, I will pay you fifty dollars." Little Johnny even pulls out the wad of bills to show the teacher he is not bluffing.

Now Ms. Smith has blonde pubic hair and she is a severely underpaid kindergarten teacher. Besides, the father did request that she put an end to his wagers. What more appropriate way to end them than to prove him wrong for once in his life? So she peeks out the door to make sure nobody is at the door. She then locks the door and doffs her drawers in front of Little Johnny.

Sure enough he can see that her pubic hair is blonde. Downcast he begrudgingly forks over the wad of money he bet.

"Now Johnny, I trust that you will never make any bets ever again."

Now Ms. Smith is quite proud of her little victory (and making a little change on the side). She calls up the father to tell of her success. "I am pleased to report that your son will never be wagering again."

The father is quite curious as to how she did it.

"Well, err... You did say use any means necessary. Johnny bet me that I had brown pubic hair and, well... err... I proved him wrong."

"Just how did you prove Johnny wrong?!"

"Well, uhhh... I took Johnny into a side room and I showed him my genitalia." Ms. Smith was quite nervous at this point.

"That goddamn son-of-a-bitch! He bet me 100 dollars that you'd take your underwear off on the first day of class....!"

Let Experts do their Work

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets

president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how r u'.
Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work

for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said
'Who r u?' (instead of 'How r u?'. )

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied
'me too, ha-ha... .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
Moral of the Story:
Let Experts do their Work

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded. "

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable. "

The fifth surgeon says "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

why men rarely write advice columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady.
I am 32, my husband is 34, and we've been married for 12 years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having
an affair for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He
was let go from his job six months ago, and stated he's feeling
depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him
the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to
counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Anne

Dear Anne:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none
of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump
itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float
chamber.

I hope this helps.
Walter

Three Women In A Sauna

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman

pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. I have a

microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, 'that was

my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

The older woman felt very low -tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out

of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said........ .'Well, will you look at that....I'm

getting a fax!'

Men never listen

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and
a red one labelled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm wate r was sprayed gently upon his bottom.


What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to

this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it was tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.


Next thing, he belted out a yell and then he passed out.......when he woke up, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring

down at him.


'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your willy is under your pillow.'

Bush Farewell Dinner

Bill Gates- After Death

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you

helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm

going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said

Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around,

playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting

about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall,

screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!! !!!!!!!